kierkegarden | Somebody teach me how to spoil myself

So we finally come to my day off. My fiancee is out, got called out to the next town over on family obligations. I got really upset about this when I first heard, just because I had been planning my weekend around doing stuff with him, but part of me is just really enamored that he feels obligated to help his family. I've never had a strong family connection -- would never drop everything to drive out and watch my sibling's kids. But Tanner does and that's beautiful and I'd never want to get in the way of that.

It's funny because just as I was coming to terms with spending my weekend relatively alone, I got a text from a college friend who I haven't seen in months saying that she was going to be in town and asking if I wanted to go thrifting with her and a bunch of people she's carpooling with. I eagerly told her yes (yesterday, I mean) and she said she'd text me this morning. Well now it's almost noon and no text. I wonder if they are coming in late or just changed plans. I am once again moping a bit, probably a bit unfairly since I can't control the actions of other people, but in both cases, it would be nice to have a bit of notice on what is happening.

The funny thing is -- for the first time in months, I am in a financial place where I can treat myself just a little bit. Back before college friend texted, I thought "well, I'll make a day of it. Go out, get coffee, repierce my belly button since I had to take it out, maybe stop by Sephora and pick up a new foundation." -- drop some cash on my wants for the first time in a while. But now, I no longer even want any of these things or to do this -- and I kind of don't even want to go anywhere.

It's so stupid because I feel like I don't do things for myself very often and yet, I still feel guilty for not going with my fiancee to watch the kids -- even though I've worked 40 hours this week and watched our niece all last weekend. I feel like I'm experiencing burnout rather quickly and need a break. But I don't want to spend my break alone, even though I know I can be content and happy alone.

First world problems, and shallow ones, I guess.