wicked & divine since 1899

Klaus/Luther

2019-03-24T23:51:07Z

Oh hey -- baby's in a new fandom and that means I've already found a vaguely unhealthy rarepair to ship, I guess.

I guess Umbrella Academy is still a baby fandom so my hope is that I convert as many people to Kluther as possible by generating as much content as possible. I'm honestly shocked more people aren't flocking to it -- since it's got all of these elements that are so intriguing. On a purely aesthetic level, you've got the biggest character with the twinkiest and I know for a fact some people are wicked into that. But also, you've got these two forces of Lawful Stupid and Chaotic Stupid.

Lawful Stupid, on the surface, wants what is best for everyone but is really actually kind of selfish and a dumb idiot (something fandom doesn't cease to point out). Chaotic Stupid, on the surface, is a selfish junkie but actually cares so damned much for everyone. And like -- they were raised this way, one as the Leader and one as the Disappointment and that itself brings up fascinating quandries of nature versus nurture and family dynamics and good Deep shit for people who like that. But also -- for people who enjoy shameless smut -- obviously, Klaus is a fantastic fandom bicycle and Luther is absolutely fucking huge and has an energy of Raw Sexual Tension because he is so repressed. And you are trying to tell me that Klaus couldn't get him to loosen up? And that one time couldn't turn to a Series Of Times?

If your feelers are set to hurt/comfort and angst, well, good thing you've got two of the most deeply insecure characters in the show and if your feelers are set to fluff, good thing you've got a set up for hilariously cute situations -- with Big Clumsy Guy and little guy who has some of the most hilariously candid lines to say. If you want something wholesome, have them work through addiction together. If you want something dark, well, eat your twisted hearts out on the foundation of child abuse that underlies this whole series.

In conclusion, YOU should give Luther enough of a chance to ship him with Klaus. Here's a starter pack of porn I wrote over the weekend:
1 & 2 Go crazy. I hope you enjoyed my TED talk.

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poetry - gold star

2019-01-27T10:55:10Z

( gold star )

i have a doctorate in inbetweenness
race, religion, creed and code – all this-and-that
haphazardly sorted in piles or left liminal floating
between us

i have a doctorate in misunderstandings
thirteen, sitting skinny-legged, with my first girlfriend
telling me she’d never date a straddler

she was shaking fists, rattling expletives because i lied.
there was a time when i couldn’t own this
persona of passing afflictions, contradictions, and
time biding – never reaching the finish line

i have a doctorate in disagreements sitting oceanic
between confident continents
left, right, up and down. i have a doctorate in understanding
perspectives

perhaps it spins out of neglect in cultivating definitive
conditions

i have lied a lot, actually – lied pervasively and convulsively
to cover up what is dear to me, what should be kept near to me
put on display

virginity is a construct that does not construct humanity.
take it away

virginity is a construct that does not leave room for straddlers.
i vanish in the purity

i have a doctorate in defense mechanisms
willful blindness to a world that wants to sell and scorn my body
my body is his to slap, hers to push, his to rape, hers to scold
my body is anything, it seems, but my body.

thirteen, i forgive you for lying
thirteen, you were tongue-tied.

i first heard the term ‘gold star lesbian’ in a room full of women
systematically deconstructed, re-arranged,
victims of cultural taxidermy and suicide.

i first heard the term ‘gold star’ from the unlikely mouth
that mirrored monsters from spaces where i also
wasn’t supposed to belong

so what does it leave me with, again?
my bisexuality – what does it gain for me?
thirteen, you severed it
eighteen, you severed it
twenty three, i want to offer it an ultimatum

come in.
it’s warm-not-hot and we’re watching the news
just loud enough to hear there are wars of inbetweeness and
best start picking sides.
come in.

perhaps we don’t have culture because our culture is mimicry
come in.

to all the bisexual babies who feel it’s time to arm or die
come in.

there is a seat for you at my table.
we are making alphabet soup.
there is efficacy to my medicine.

women! women who i loved, women who i hated
learn from me. study under me. learn how to sew and recede
learn to take up space and convulse loudly and unapologetically
learn how to be indefinite and
abnormal

when i first heard the term ‘gold star lesbian’
i pictured a panel of judges peering over me
inspecting me for signs of maleness
dna from chance encounters, rapes, or flings – one in the same

no more! i will be no less.
i have a doctorate in love: loud, viral, and selfish
there will be no more showings on this stitched up body
i’ll take the bronze

i have a doctorate in inbetweenness
i have a doctorate in misunderstandings
i have a doctorate in disagreements
i have a doctorate in defense mechanisms
i have a doctorate in love

but i’ll never have a gold star

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Somebody teach me how to spoil myself

2019-01-26T19:40:01Z

So we finally come to my day off. My fiancee is out, got called out to the next town over on family obligations. I got really upset about this when I first heard, just because I had been planning my weekend around doing stuff with him, but part of me is just really enamored that he feels obligated to help his family. I've never had a strong family connection -- would never drop everything to drive out and watch my sibling's kids. But Tanner does and that's beautiful and I'd never want to get in the way of that.

It's funny because just as I was coming to terms with spending my weekend relatively alone, I got a text from a college friend who I haven't seen in months saying that she was going to be in town and asking if I wanted to go thrifting with her and a bunch of people she's carpooling with. I eagerly told her yes (yesterday, I mean) and she said she'd text me this morning. Well now it's almost noon and no text. I wonder if they are coming in late or just changed plans. I am once again moping a bit, probably a bit unfairly since I can't control the actions of other people, but in both cases, it would be nice to have a bit of notice on what is happening.

The funny thing is -- for the first time in months, I am in a financial place where I can treat myself just a little bit. Back before college friend texted, I thought "well, I'll make a day of it. Go out, get coffee, repierce my belly button since I had to take it out, maybe stop by Sephora and pick up a new foundation." -- drop some cash on my wants for the first time in a while. But now, I no longer even want any of these things or to do this -- and I kind of don't even want to go anywhere.

It's so stupid because I feel like I don't do things for myself very often and yet, I still feel guilty for not going with my fiancee to watch the kids -- even though I've worked 40 hours this week and watched our niece all last weekend. I feel like I'm experiencing burnout rather quickly and need a break. But I don't want to spend my break alone, even though I know I can be content and happy alone.

First world problems, and shallow ones, I guess.

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what we have is not a sisterhood

2019-01-22T02:15:15Z

Title: what we have is not a sisterhood

Author: Kierkegarden

Summary: “I think your name is beautiful,” he continues, “Nebulae can come from the explosion of a dying star, but they can also mark the place where new stars begin.”

“You’re my new star,” Nebula whispers back, and for the first time since he picked her up, she feels the sting of tears in her eyes. He reaches towards her, one giant thumb almost covering her face, as he gently wipes them away.

A story of hope built in negative space.

Pairings: Nebula/Gamora, Gen

Main Characters: Nebula, Gamora, Thanos

Rating: T

Warnings: Abusive family dynamic, (between the lines) psuedo sister-sister incest, angst.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Hopefully will be crossposted to Girlgay.

(Link to AO3)

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Journal

2019-01-19T04:16:10Z

It's been a long week. For those who don't know, I work at a bank and I work a lot. This is just starting to pay off. My boss is talking about promoting me to an account opener. I got my first raise this month and finally breached minimum. Still not sure if it's a living wage, or worth my student debt, and it definitely doesn't pay my hospital bills from this summer. But it's something.

For the next three days, we are watching my sister in law's daughter. In theory, I am excited. I love kids and we have a good relationship. There's this selfish part of me that wonders how I'm going to survive though. As of right now, we are watching Happy Feet while she also watches a different show on her tablet, cacophonously playing over each other. It just has to be this way, because I'm too tired from work to really parent right now. It's giving me a window into what it must be like for my SIL, who is a single mother with my exact same job. After a long ass day of dealing with bitchy customers who are stressed about money, and having to come home and be an engaged mom. I've gained a new level of respect. Thankfully, Tanner is doing most of the parenting.

What else? I don't know if I mentioned to DW yet, but Tanner got laid off last week which has been a huge, nasty financial shock. And I found out that not only did Tesla cut their contract with his company, but they also laid off a huge percentage of their own workers. Apparently, this is due to their government contracts which are not getting funds thanks to the shut down. So I guess all of our anger at Tesla was misplaced and we should really just be screaming "fuck Trump" some more.

I've had like five glasses of wine and my head is pounding at Happy Feet + Peppa Pig. I just made the conscious decision to get through grad school before having children if I can help it.

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On Private Fannishness & Self-Censorship

2019-01-16T22:39:10Z

( To the meta! )

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my heritage is a car crash

2019-01-16T22:04:32Z

( my heritage is a car crash )

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tide, unbreaking

2019-01-14T00:18:30Z

Title: tide, unbreaking

Author: Kierkegarden

Summary: Nebula is looking past him, looking straight at Gamora, smiling. She still thinks it’s a competition, Gamora thinks, and wonders how to unbreak someone. If it’s possible for her, broken as she is, to unbreak someone.

Pairings: Nebula/Gamora, (side) Peter/Gamora

Main Characters: Gamora, Nebula, Peter Quill

Rating: M

Warnings: The obvious, incestuous (or psuedo-incestuous) dead dove. Sexual content. Cheating. Angst.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and, in fact, am just becoming acquainted with them. Hope that isn't too terribly obvious. Cross-posted to Girlgay,

(Link to AO3)

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To Me, if I Succeeded

2019-01-06T00:31:44Z

To Me, if I Succeeded - Creative Nonfiction - by Kierkegarden

( TW for desctiptions of suicide, addiction, and mental health treatment )

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to feel your pulse through foreign skin

2018-12-27T03:05:55Z

to feel your pulse through foreign skin (5753 words) by Kierkegarden
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald
Characters: Albus Dumbledore, Gellert Grindelwald, Hector Fawley
Additional Tags: Possession, Polyjuice Potion, Espionage, Sexual Content, Choking, Vienna, Ballroom Dancing, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, Canon compliant to all but CoG, Winter 1927
Summary:

Albus Dumbledore tries his hand at British Magical Intelligence and Gellert Grindelwald treats him to a night he will never forget.

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First/second person

2018-12-16T03:49:03Z

Hey, Writers, can we collectively stop shitting on first person and second person perspective? First and second person are extremely intimate and have the potential for interesting and emotional stories, but furthermore – young/new writers typically start off writing in first person and discouraging people from experimenting with what comes naturally makes us look like exclusionary asshats.

We had space to be new at writing, many of us have experienced “coming back” to writing after an extended break, etc etc. I say – if first/second person is a more natural set of writer shoes to put on at first, do it. If they are your most comfortable shoes, do it. If you like them best, do it. If you prefer not to wear them, that’s fine but let’s not pretend third person perspective is inherently superior.

Some of the best stories ever told have been in first and second person. More importantly, when a new/young writer writes a “terrible” cliched self insert in first person, they are trying on a new pair of shoes for the first time. Let them wobble, just like you did. Let them experiment. Let them learn to fall in love with it.

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home again until the war ends + A Journal Entry

2018-12-16T02:17:55Z

home again until the war ends (873 words) by Kierkegarden
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker
Additional Tags: POV Second Person, Character Study, Drabble, Freeform, written in one draft for my best friend and to jog my obikin muse
Summary:

You realize the hubris of a youth spent following, and you realize there’s a reason that you’re drawn to the unconventional Jedi and it’s not that you want to save them.

So, wrote this today for the bestie. Kind of weird because I haven't written Obikin in a while and I basically forgot every detail about their dynamic, and TCW and anything else important. Felt nice to write and finish something short and not hold myself to any length or quality requirement. I also really missed using second person and not feeling like trash for it. I'm still deciding if I want to participate in the Obikin Big Bang again this year -- if I did, I would likely just write something around 10k as opposed to embarking on another novel. To be fair, I wrote two 10k pieces in the month of November alone and burned myself out a bit.

I work 40 hours a week and just don't have the time I once had to write. In college, I was churning out 10k or more a week for academic writing alone and so adding a novel on top of that wasn't a huge challenge. My work-brain is a number-brain just due to the nature of banking and so turning on literary-brain is a challenge sometimes. Not to mention, I'm exhausted all the time and dead broke again, and stressing about my wedding. I love the feeling of little pieces, no due date, no pressure. To be fair, I'm also involved in two ongoing collaborations right now. I need to work my way back up to longer pieces. Unless TCW reboot comes out sooner than I'm thinking, I may not have enough inspiration fodder for the Big Bang.

I guess that's fine, but I kind of planned on participating again because I had so much fun last year. I dunno. I do this thing where I punish myself for not creating enough, not wanting to create more, and overcreating as opposed to being "productive" so I guess there's no winning. It's no surprise I write self-deprecating characters so well. It's cold here but no snow -- I'm tired of winter already. Really grateful I have people in my life who support my writing -- I just have a hard time being one of them.

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About Me;

2018-12-09T10:01:19Z

Hi, Dreamwidth! My name is August. I have been in fandom for about eleven years and fannish for even longer. I live in Washington state with my fiancee, where I work in finance. Eventually, I plan to go to grad school and get a job in academia. I love indie music and traveling and alcohol.

My passions are history, literature, and fandom -- no order implied. I write fic and live to meta. I wallow around in guilt/redemption tropes and you can usually find me writing things that don't have firm happy endings. Because life doesn't even offer that. My fandom interests change at the drop of a hat, but you can usually find me in Star Wars, X-Men, Sherlock, and Harry Potter circles.

What else? My oldest and strongest is Grindeldore. I run the annual Grindeldore Holiday Exchange on Tumblr and AO3. My AO3, Tumblr, Discord, and Playmoss are also Kierkegarden. If I'm on a platform, you can usually find me pretty easily.

Please don't hesitate to say hi and chat with me! One thing I'm super worried about with the Great Tumblr Purge is that fandom is gonna lose its centralization and connectedness. So please! Stay a while, comment, etc. I love conversation.

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On Laziness and Fandom

2018-12-09T09:18:14Z

I guess I've talked to a few people about this and I've seen a few posts here so I'm gonna go off. It's not that I've forgotten how to use Dreamwidth/LJ-style platforms, so much as culture within fandom has shifted and fandom collectively has changed -- different people now, different values.

As lazy as reblogging was, it also offered a great way to get visibility and through visibility, you met people and made friends and then you could have those long metas about the things that you mutually loved. With Dreamwidth, there is a smaller stream of content coming in (at least for me, setting it up) so I feel like a lot less is missed but also finding content and the creation of new content isn't intuitive.

Dreamwidth is less a platform designed to blow hours of your day -- something we were both spoiled and cursed with re: Tumblr -- and more of an old school idea. You check the updates, reply to friends or communities, maybe post a thing, and then close. What are we to do with all of this time -- actually create content? Is this a joke?

At the same time, perhaps it will get better as I find more people I know and meet more people. I think part of what makes it hard is the abysmal search function.

I guess time will tell.

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Tumblr Imploding

2018-12-05T07:46:01Z

Lord, it's been forever and a day since I've used a platform set up like this. Hard to believe it's been almost ten years since I left Livejournal and just now, as Tumblr is imploding and I'm looking for other options, deciding to set up a Dreamwidth.

This is mostly here to function as a test post, I guess. Here's to many non-censored times ahead.

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